The Journal
by kepc
Summary: Alex finds Stevie with her car broken down beside the road he offers her his car so she can pick up Rose. He finds a journal under her car seat ! Will he read it? What will it say?


Once again Alex has fought with Fiona and stormed out of the house.

He drives.

Not really knowing where he's headed.

Over and over replaying the last few months in his head and particularly the last couple of weeks.

He decides he has to end the relationship.

It shouldn't be this hard.

His friendship with Stevie is in tatters and they hardly talk anymore.

She always knew when to offers advice and when to just listen.

He misses that.

...

Alex drives.

Smiling he thinks about Stevie and how she always laughed at his jokes, even the lame ones.

She'd make him laugh just by making fun of him.

Her quick wit and great smile.

...

Fiona didn't get his jokes.

Couldn't see the funny side of things and didn't like it when he'd tease her.

Stevie would flick him and then tease right back.

Spending time with Stevie was always fun.

Fun with Fiona had well and truly passed its use by date.

...

Slowing he notices a car up ahead with the bonnet raised.

Smiling he realizes its Stevie's Ute.

Pulling up he calls "Need a hand."

Instantly he can she isn't thrilled it's him but moves over and says. "Where are you headed?"

"Nowhere in particular." He states.

"You had another fight with her?" She quips a teasing grin crossing her face

He almost smiles at the fact she knows him so well but replies. "Yeah it's a common occurrence these days. I think she hates me."

She quips. "Yes well you seem to have a natural talent for bringing that out in women."

He grins.

Even though she's having a go at him she can still make light of the situation.

...

"Where are you off too?" He asks.

"Picking Rose up. Well I was until the Ute decided to go nigh nigh." She replies.

Opening his door he walks around to her and says "Take my Ute Stevie. I'll see if I can get yours going for you."

"Really!" She exclaims.

"Yeah I don't want you hating me too." He says grinning.

"Too late Alex we've already turned that corner. But I will take advantage of you this one time. I don't want anything to go wrong. It's a new beginning for Rose and me."She offers.

He is deep in thought and asks. "Have you got your phone with you?"

She nods.

"If I need you to bring parts I'll send a text."He tells her.

Climbing into his Ute she replies. "Thanks Alex. I owe you one."

...

Rifling through her car looking for tools he reaches under the front seat.

Retrieving a cloth covered oblong box he unconvinced its tools but opens it anyway.

A book.

Tipping it from the box he runs his hand over the leather binding and opens the first page.

An inscription reads.

_**To my dearest friend,**_

_**I'm so sorry I can't be there for you when you are feeling so low and needing a shoulder to cry on.**_

_**Even though I know you've never held much faith in these, I swear if you write down your feelings you will somehow feel lighter.**_

_**All my love Tess xxx**_

_**Ps I'm just a phone call away when it gets to painful to bare.**_

_**...**_

Turning the next page he reads.

_**Dear Tess, **_

_**Ever the optimist but thanks for the kind words and the attempt to make me feel lighter but nothing will ever take away the heartache and loneliness I feel.**_

He slams the book shut ashamed of the fact he's read this far.

Chuckling to himself he thinks about Stevie with a journal.

Placing the book back in the box he repositions it under the seat and continues looking for tools.

...

It's a sterile welcome Stevie receives form Rose when her bus pulls in.

Tension fills the air and Stevie feels her heart will break but giving up isn't an option.

"I just have to grab a couple of things Rose and then we'll be on our way." Stevie offers smiling at her daughter.

Rose shrugs and says "Whatever."

...

Inside the truck stop Stevie grabs the last few items on the list and is about to pay for them when her phone buzzes.

Looking at the screen she notes a message from Alex...Pretty sure it's the distributor cap. Grab one and I'll fit it for you...

Looking at Moira she asks "Have you got a distributor cap for my Ute Moira?"

Moira smiles and says "I think we've got one of everything for your Ute Stevie."

Smiling broadly Stevie strides back to the front counter as Fiona walks in the door.

"Stevie." Fiona states.

"Fiona." Stevie replies.

Rose gushes "Oh Hi Fiona! How are you?"

"I'm good thanks Rose and yourself? Fiona replies.

"I'm really good thank you. How's Alex?' Rose asks.

Fiona looks around and says. "I thought he was in here. His car is outside."

Stevie offers. "Oh no he's out near Drover's my Ute broke down and he stopped and offered for me to take his so I could pick Rose up."

Fiona glares at Stevie knowing Alex would have told her they'd been fighting again.

Alex to her rescue again Fiona thinks bitterly.

...

Back on the road Stevie tries to strike up a conversation with Rose and all she gets is.

"Boy Fiona really doesn't like you does she?'

Stevie bites her tongue wanting to reply...Yeah well she's a bitch and she treats Alex like crap and you young lady need to stop acting like a two year old...

But instead she replies. "No she doesn't but I can't make people like me Rose either they do or they don't."

...

Alex sits back in the Ute and has found a cloth to wipe his hands on.

While he's been working he wondered about the journal under the seat.

He decides to just have a look for a date in the book as he's curious about the heartache and loneliness she's talking about...must be when she split with Kane he tells himself...

Reaching under the seat he convinces himself she wouldn't mind she thinks diaries and journals are silly things and she did look at Sandra's that time.

...

_**My god she is such a conniving, snooty bitch if I had to pick a girl for him she is so far away from what he needs.**_

_**She doesn't understand him or care about what's right for him.**_

_**She's dishonest and just too god damn sugary sweet.**_

_**She makes me sick listening to the way she speaks to him.**_

_**Ha ha Tess maybe you are right I can say what I feel when social etiquette and friendship forbids me.**_

No date and definitely not Kane, Alex thinks to himself as he flips through a few pages looking for a date.

...

_**I hate that she knows how I feel and purposely makes a point of touching him when I'm around.**_

_**If only he could open his eyes and see me.**_

"Oh Stevie that is just too sad. You deserve so much better than that. He's an idiot and isn't worth your pain." Alex says out loud softly.

He looks out of the windscreen and can't believe he hasn't even noticed his best friend is in pain.

Some friend he is.

...

Flipping several more pages he reads.

_**I thought we'd be friends always but I can see that's not going to happen I see him less and less and I know it's her.**_

_**I don't know what's worse seeing him and knowing he'll never be mine or not seeing him and all **_

Alex feels his heart sink but still doesn't find a date.

...

Flipping to the last pages written, he reals in shock as he reads.

_**Dear Tess**_

_**Rose arrives tomorrow and even though I'm so excited to see her I know this will be ten times worse because in the past I could talk to him and that doesn't happen anymore.**_

_**I wonder what I did to not deserve my happy ending.**_

_**To wake up beside him every day to feel his arms around me and his soft lips.**_

_**I felt them once just before your wedding but I never told you, they were perfect and I've never felt like that before but I was stupid and missed my chance.**_

_**I think of you Tess pregnant with Nick's child and I can only imagine how that must feel to be with the man you love and to be carrying his child.**_

_**Tess what am I going to do when he tells me she's pregnant carrying his child how can I pretend to be happy for him when I want to be the one to see his face light up knowing how much he so desperately wants to be a Father.**_

_**Oh god Tess I don't think my heart can take anymore why doesn't he feel my love, why can't I be the one?**_

_**...**_

He closes the journal and inhales and exhales .

"Oh God Stevie." He whispers his heart dripping with pain.

Dust coming down the road alerts him to her approach.

"Hey Rose How are you?' He says smiling.

Rose grins and says "I'm great thanks. We saw Fiona in town she was looking for you."

Stevie notices the smile leave his face and feels sorry for him, he deserves better.

Quickly he replaces the part in her car and bidding them farewell drives back towards Kilarney.

...

Several days pass and Stevie and Rose begin to work through their problems and Stevie's spirits lift.

Riley is over working the brumby's and says to Stevie. "Have you heard from Alex?"

"No I haven't seen him in days." She replies her heart jumping at the mention of his name. She silently wonders how long it will be before that doesn't happen anymore.

"So you haven't heard." Riley offers.

"Heard what?' Stevie asks.

"She's gone." He says grinning.

"Who?" Stevie asks.

"Fiona! He broke off the engagement." Riley says grinning.

"Is he alright?" Stevie asks sounding concerned.

"Couldn't be happier. Now I get it! Everyone said he used to be a really good guy to hang out with and funny as." Riley answers.

Stevie feels the chains around her heart drop into her stomach.

Excusing herself she walks up to the shed and sitting in her Ute reaches under the seat and retrieves her journal.

Her thoughts whirling with happiness.

She's gone it's a beginning.

Maybe she might get a second chance.

...

Flipping through to the last page she stops shocked by the large greasy thumb print at the corner of the page.

Oh god Alex she thinks the day he'd fixed her car.

Then she notices a small scribble, _**Please turn the page**_.

Turning the page she reads.

_**Dear Stevie,**_

_**I'm sorry I couldn't see you ,I was trying so hard to get over you by filling my life with Fiona.**_

_**She doesn't come close to what you mean to me or what I feel about you. **_

_**I want you to be my best friend always too and I'd definitely like to make babies with you **_

_**I'm going home to end my relationship with Fiona because even before I read your words it didn't feel right something was missing and that something was you.**_

_**If you're not too angry about my intrusion into your personal business ring me and I'll come over.**_

_**Love Alex. Xxx**_

She draws breath when she realizes it's dated days ago.

...

Alex is walking back across the yard to the house when Stevie's Ute comes barrelling down the drive and skids in the gravel sliding to a sideways stop.

He waits to see if she's angry.

He doesn't have to wait long.

...

She runs towards him and smiling launches herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck she kisses him.

Hearts pound and dreams begin.

Chuckling he says. "So that means you're not angry I read your diary?'

Kisses him again she says "Oh no I'm really, really, angry about that but I'm too happy about us for it to bother me at the moment."

He laughs and says "I like being happy!"

"Yeah me too especially when I get to be happy with you." She grins.

"I love you Alex."

"Yeah I love you too." He replies.

'I don't want to be apart anymore Stevie," He tells her.

Laughing she says "Me either."

"When do you want to start having babies?" He asks grinning.

She looks shocked and says "Well I think you should at least buy me flowers and take me out to dinner first."

Alex says "I'll take you out to dinner tonight and I'll buy you some flowers tomorrow."

She gets a funny little grin on her face and whispers. "I could take a raincheck."

Kissing her he whispers. "No let's do the whole wining, dining and romancing first because we deserve it."

Giggling she quips. "Yes we do."

...

_**Please review :)**_


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